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Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Wells
Well

More quotes by Lewis Black

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It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'
Lewis Black
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I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. So it's hard for me to come up with things, because I don't write stuff, I don't write my act down.
Lewis Black
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The tortoise moves very slowly, it moves towards whatever the goal is, to keep a democratic capitalistic society functioning.
Lewis Black
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There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.
Lewis Black
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Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. It is the only secret to happiness that I know except for maybe true love, that and maybe having the amazing health insurance plan that our congressmen have.
Lewis Black
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The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.
Lewis Black
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The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.
Lewis Black
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It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?
Lewis Black
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Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.
Lewis Black
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See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from.
Lewis Black
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We don't have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons - let's find it!
Lewis Black
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I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it's really just - I tried to play piano as a kid. I was awful. It didn't help, and this is absolutely true, that my piano teacher had arthritis. And that's not a good way to learn.
Lewis Black
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Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation
Lewis Black
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I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.
Lewis Black
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Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
Lewis Black
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This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.
Lewis Black
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I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.
Lewis Black
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Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
Lewis Black
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It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.
Lewis Black
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Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.
Lewis Black