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The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling The British are coming! The British are coming!

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Three
Towns
Persons
British
Person
Across
Car
Coming
Hours
Lasts
Yelling
Last
Town

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Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
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No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.
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If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.
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How our government works... it doesn't.
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What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.
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Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week.
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There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.
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One of the most important things, especially when you're leaving school, is to realize you're going to be dealing with a lot of idiots. And a lot of those idiots are in charge of things, so if you're in an interview and you really want to tell the person off, don't do it.
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Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler.
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It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.
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I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.
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Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.
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He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.
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If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.
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I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.
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There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye.
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If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!
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You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
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If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they're showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You're better off coming back as a lobster.
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Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work.
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