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I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Kids
Letting
Watching
Watches
Watch
Chaz
Turn
Transsexuals
Pretty
Bono
Sure
Assholes
Turns
Keith

More quotes by Lewis Black

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The Droid I had actually seemed to have free will, which I thought was interesting.
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If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!
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Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
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Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream.
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I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation.
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If you want to get an audience quiet, just say abortion and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.
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I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.
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You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.
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As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic.
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It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'
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I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.
Lewis Black
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This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.
Lewis Black
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I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
Lewis Black
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When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.
Lewis Black
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I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.
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I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on.
Lewis Black
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I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.
Lewis Black
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If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.
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Usually I'm too tired to apologize.
Lewis Black
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I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.
Lewis Black