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When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Lost
Country
Grip
Clean
Wants
Television
Water
More quotes by Lewis Black
Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation
Lewis Black
If you want to get an audience quiet, just say abortion and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.
Lewis Black
When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is.
Lewis Black
Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!
Lewis Black
When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!
Lewis Black
The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.
Lewis Black
If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.
Lewis Black
I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
Lewis Black
Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.
Lewis Black
If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!
Lewis Black
Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes. Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person. Well, you look like a person. No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!
Lewis Black
I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on.
Lewis Black
I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, You want to go to this party and do some networking?
Lewis Black
North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
Lewis Black
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself.
Lewis Black
Just relax and breathe through your ass.
Lewis Black
I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes
Lewis Black
What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding.
Lewis Black
I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it's really just - I tried to play piano as a kid. I was awful. It didn't help, and this is absolutely true, that my piano teacher had arthritis. And that's not a good way to learn.
Lewis Black
It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'
Lewis Black
