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This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Major
Story
Pox
Bigs
Scratching
Stories
Scars
Much
Chicken
Really
Scar
Life
Chickens
Majors
More quotes by Lewis Black
I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.
Lewis Black
A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that.
Lewis Black
I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, You want to go to this party and do some networking?
Lewis Black
I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it's really just - I tried to play piano as a kid. I was awful. It didn't help, and this is absolutely true, that my piano teacher had arthritis. And that's not a good way to learn.
Lewis Black
I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation.
Lewis Black
I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
Lewis Black
When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.
Lewis Black
I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.
Lewis Black
One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich.
Lewis Black
It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!
Lewis Black
If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.
Lewis Black
I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and that shouldn't be part of the ballgame, ever.
Lewis Black
When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!
Lewis Black
I think inevitably over the course of my lifetime there's been an underestimation of the American people, and I believe they are really the ones that give me hope. There's so much of they don't know this, and they don't know that, and they're always denigrating.
Lewis Black
North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
Lewis Black
Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
Lewis Black
I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they'd be doing something that was really, really creepy.
Lewis Black
What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things through a sequester. What does that word have to do with budgeting? It's like if you have a family budget and go, 'We really don't know what to take out economically from the budget, so we're going to whack out protein for this week.'
Lewis Black
The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.
Lewis Black
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.
Lewis Black