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I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Anyone
Amazed
Interested

More quotes by Lewis Black

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The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.
Lewis Black
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When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life until Dan Quayle was elected Vice President of the United States. She said, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
Lewis Black
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It's 2003. Why can't I teleport?
Lewis Black
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You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.
Lewis Black
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Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream.
Lewis Black
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I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, You want to go to this party and do some networking?
Lewis Black
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In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs.
Lewis Black
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Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.
Lewis Black
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A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!
Lewis Black
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Some people have religion as a means of solace. But, I had a dreidel, so that was out.
Lewis Black
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This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.
Lewis Black
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When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!
Lewis Black
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I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
Lewis Black
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There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.
Lewis Black
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I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
Lewis Black
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A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that.
Lewis Black
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I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
Lewis Black
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Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'
Lewis Black
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Usually I'm too tired to apologize.
Lewis Black
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Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.
Lewis Black