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I watch some CNN and a lot of Fox, because it helps me get irritated.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Irritated
Foxes
Helps
Watches
Watch
Helping

More quotes by Lewis Black

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If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they're showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You're better off coming back as a lobster.
Lewis Black
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It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity.
Lewis Black
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I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.
Lewis Black
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I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.
Lewis Black
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How our government works... it doesn't.
Lewis Black
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I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck ,so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it.
Lewis Black
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There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
Lewis Black
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Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!
Lewis Black
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You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.
Lewis Black
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If you want to get an audience quiet, just say abortion and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.
Lewis Black
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The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling The British are coming! The British are coming!
Lewis Black
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I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.
Lewis Black
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Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler.
Lewis Black
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Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week.
Lewis Black
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I have never thought of my entertainment as being able to bring about social change. I am seriously always looking for the laugh. What it did make me conscious of was having empathy for those without any power in this country. That has always stuck with me.
Lewis Black
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We have a two-party system: The Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas.
Lewis Black
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My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.
Lewis Black
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My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.
Lewis Black
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When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.
Lewis Black
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When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!
Lewis Black