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I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Apples
Think
Store
Thinking
Stores
Life
Like
Planet
Planets
Wonder
Apple
Another
Visit
Reason

More quotes by Lewis Black

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You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
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I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.
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I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track.
Lewis Black
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My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.
Lewis Black
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Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.
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It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!
Lewis Black
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This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.
Lewis Black
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My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes
Lewis Black
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You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.
Lewis Black
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When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.
Lewis Black
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My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.
Lewis Black
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Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.
Lewis Black
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What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.
Lewis Black
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The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.
Lewis Black
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Glenn Beck is offended! Glenn Beck thinks playing the Nazi card is going too far. Glenn Beck. this is a guy who uses more Swastika props and video of the Nuremberg rallies than the History Channel.
Lewis Black
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Equestrian, by the by, is the gayest word in the English language. In fact, I thought Brokeback Mountain should have been called Two Equestrians.
Lewis Black
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If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.
Lewis Black
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In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs.
Lewis Black
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I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
Lewis Black
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When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is.
Lewis Black