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I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Broke
Nothing
Really
More quotes by Lewis Black
When you compare Christmas to Hanukkah, there's no comparison. Christmas is great. Hanukkah sucks! First night you get socks. Second night, an eraser, a notebook. It's a Back-to-School holiday!
Lewis Black
It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!
Lewis Black
If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.
Lewis Black
Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work.
Lewis Black
Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.
Lewis Black
I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
Lewis Black
The Droid I had actually seemed to have free will, which I thought was interesting.
Lewis Black
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if something happened I was screwed. I was lucky my parents had money and my brother was willing to support me for a long time. Once I started doing standup, I had an income, and that was amazing to me.
Lewis Black
Equestrian, by the by, is the gayest word in the English language. In fact, I thought Brokeback Mountain should have been called Two Equestrians.
Lewis Black
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
Lewis Black
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.
Lewis Black
I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.
Lewis Black
Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes. Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person. Well, you look like a person. No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!
Lewis Black
I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.
Lewis Black
What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.
Lewis Black
I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.
Lewis Black
I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.
Lewis Black
Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
Lewis Black
You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.
Lewis Black
North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
Lewis Black
