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I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Politician
Prayer
Hours
Back
Roberts
Need
Oral
Country
Politicians
Needs
Track
Hour

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Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.
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It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!
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It's 2003. Why can't I teleport?
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Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.
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If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare.
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I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck ,so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it.
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I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.
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It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?
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I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
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What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding.
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If you want to get an audience quiet, just say abortion and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.
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There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
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I continue to work on plays, but I've always felt that you could put a note in a bottle and send it offshore, and you'd have as much chance communicating with people.
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I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. So it's hard for me to come up with things, because I don't write stuff, I don't write my act down.
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There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye.
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Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.
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You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.
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If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .
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I don't Tweet a lot because I've Tweeted things that I thought were really innocuous about subjects that are inflammatory, and the response is so insane sometimes from people.
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A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that.
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