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What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
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Disturbing
Looks
Holiday
Love
Height
Season
Seasons
Sense
Makes
Flu
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Valentine

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There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye.
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You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.
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If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them.
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Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.
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It's 2003. Why can't I teleport?
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If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!
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Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.
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I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.
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It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity.
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It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?
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In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs.
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I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.
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I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.
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I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.
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I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
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I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
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If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
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In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
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If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare.
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North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
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