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It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
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Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
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More quotes by Lewis Black
Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler.
Lewis Black
Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'
Lewis Black
The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either.
Lewis Black
There's a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don't think that's what Christ was talking about.
Lewis Black
Earth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever f@*! imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we'd have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on.
Lewis Black
On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes.
Lewis Black
I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It's just a guarantee.
Lewis Black
Usually I'm too tired to apologize.
Lewis Black
When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!
Lewis Black
It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?
Lewis Black
You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.
Lewis Black
That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
Lewis Black
sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers
Lewis Black
I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape.
Lewis Black
Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem...
Lewis Black
Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic, and I look forward to a new day. I pick up 'The New York Times,' and I look at the front page and realize that once again I'm wrong. I start to fixate on stuff.
Lewis Black
I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
Lewis Black
If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!
Lewis Black
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
Lewis Black
If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist.
Lewis Black
