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All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Corn
Candy
Funny
Ever
Made
Halloween

More quotes by Lewis Black

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The one thing I think we learned this year is that the Democrats and the Republicans are completely worthless.
Lewis Black
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Harry Reid is not funny he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.
Lewis Black
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If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
Lewis Black
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I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
Lewis Black
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In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
Lewis Black
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You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.
Lewis Black
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Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.
Lewis Black
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We don't have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons - let's find it!
Lewis Black
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I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck ,so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it.
Lewis Black
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You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.
Lewis Black
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Equestrian, by the by, is the gayest word in the English language. In fact, I thought Brokeback Mountain should have been called Two Equestrians.
Lewis Black
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I am angry that the Democrats don't have the ability to explain to Republicans that we should be able to feed people in this country, and that is not socialism.
Lewis Black
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Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. It is the only secret to happiness that I know except for maybe true love, that and maybe having the amazing health insurance plan that our congressmen have.
Lewis Black
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You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
Lewis Black
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That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
Lewis Black
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It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!
Lewis Black
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I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.
Lewis Black
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I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.
Lewis Black
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The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either.
Lewis Black
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I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.
Lewis Black