Quote

A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Eggs
Rhubarb
Legs
Lentils
Wind
Marrow
Grow
Dish
Grows
Bend
Make
Square
Squares
Dishes

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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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