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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
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Loopholes
Certificates
Kept
Birth
Saying
Looking
Mother
Didn
Certificate

More quotes by Les Dawson

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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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Slumps don't bother me.
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I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
Les Dawson
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
Les Dawson