Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
Les Dawson
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Last
Sleeping
Doctor
Doctors
Week
Went
Wife
Sleep
Woke
Lasts
Pills
More quotes by Les Dawson
Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
Les Dawson
I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
Les Dawson
The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
Les Dawson
I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
Les Dawson
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
Les Dawson
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
Les Dawson
I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
Les Dawson
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
Les Dawson
Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
Les Dawson
I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
Les Dawson
I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
Les Dawson
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
Les Dawson
Slumps don't bother me.
Les Dawson
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
Les Dawson
Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
Les Dawson
Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
Les Dawson
There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
Les Dawson
I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
Les Dawson
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
Les Dawson
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
Les Dawson