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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Airline
Prayer
Insightful
Lord
Noticed
Wrong
Bags
Funny
Chosen
Travel
Sick
Knew

More quotes by Les Dawson

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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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Slumps don't bother me.
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
Les Dawson
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
Les Dawson
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
Les Dawson
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
Les Dawson
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
Les Dawson