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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Lord
Insightful
Wrong
Noticed
Funny
Bags
Chosen
Travel
Sick
Knew
Prayer
Airline

More quotes by Les Dawson

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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
Les Dawson