Quote

I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.

Les Dawson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Sick
Knew
Prayer
Airline
Lord
Insightful
Wrong
Noticed
Funny
Bags
Chosen
Travel

More quotes by Les Dawson

Image
Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
Les Dawson
Image
Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
Les Dawson
Image
I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
Les Dawson
Image
I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
Les Dawson
Image
Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
Les Dawson
Image
With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
Les Dawson
Image
There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
Les Dawson
Image
The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
Les Dawson
Image
A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
Les Dawson
Image
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
Les Dawson
Image
I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
Les Dawson
Image
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
Les Dawson
Image
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
Les Dawson
Image
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
Les Dawson
Image
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
Les Dawson
Image
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
Les Dawson
Image
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
Les Dawson
Image
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
Les Dawson
Image
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
Les Dawson
Image
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
Les Dawson