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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Object
Sex
Objects
Wife
Asks
Funny
Every
Time
Sexy

More quotes by Les Dawson

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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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