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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Every
Time
Sexy
Object
Sex
Objects
Wife
Asks
Funny

More quotes by Les Dawson

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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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Slumps don't bother me.
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How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
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