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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Wife
Asks
Funny
Every
Time
Sexy
Object
Sex
Objects

More quotes by Les Dawson

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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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Slumps don't bother me.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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