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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
Les Dawson
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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Ambitions
Practicals
Practical
Failed
Ambition
Sex
Become
Maniac
Time
Maniacs
More quotes by Les Dawson
Slumps don't bother me.
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I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
Les Dawson
The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
Les Dawson
I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
Les Dawson
There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
Les Dawson
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
Les Dawson
