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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Practical
Failed
Ambition
Sex
Become
Maniac
Time
Maniacs
Ambitions
Practicals

More quotes by Les Dawson

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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
Les Dawson
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
Les Dawson
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
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How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
Les Dawson