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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Think
Basically
Thinking
Air
Creatures
Bravado
Behinds
Wives
Behind
Defence
Wife
Mechanism
Women
Hide
Men
Clever

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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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Slumps don't bother me.
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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