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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Hot
Rivet
Law
Rigs
Mother
Drawers
Work
Dropped
Accident
Oil
Fell
Accidents

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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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