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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
Les Dawson
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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Mother
Chamber
Stock
Horror
Took
Taking
Law
Attendants
Moving
Madame
Keep
Horrors
More quotes by Les Dawson
I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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Slumps don't bother me.
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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