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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
Les Dawson
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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
House
Running
Mother
Round
Change
Rounds
Come
Christmas
Going
Seven
Years
Law
Year
More quotes by Les Dawson
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
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I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
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