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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Years
Law
Year
House
Running
Mother
Round
Change
Rounds
Come
Christmas
Going
Seven

More quotes by Les Dawson

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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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Slumps don't bother me.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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Everyone has a family tree the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
Les Dawson
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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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