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My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

Les Dawson

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Les Dawson
Age: 62 †
Born: 1931
Born: February 2
Died: 1993
Died: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Game Show Host
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Leslie Dawson
Change
Rounds
Come
Christmas
Going
Seven
Years
Law
Year
House
Running
Mother
Round

More quotes by Les Dawson

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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.
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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
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The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
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I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
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A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
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I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
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I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay the mice throw themselves on the traps.
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I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir we're stock-taking.'
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The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
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There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.
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With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
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Slumps don't bother me.
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I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.
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My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
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The wife's Mother said, ‘When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave.’ I said: ‘Good, I'm being buried at sea’.
Les Dawson