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Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Humans
Ostrich
Ostriches
Sand
Faith
Human

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That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
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My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.
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Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.
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You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.
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All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
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Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.
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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
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TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.
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If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?
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Communism is just one big telephone company.
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If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
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The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted but if your mother goes, Ptshew!
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Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.
Lenny Bruce
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Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.
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Communism is like one big phone company.
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I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
Lenny Bruce
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Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
Lenny Bruce