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Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Sand
Faith
Human
Humans
Ostrich
Ostriches

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Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?
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Satire is tragedy plus time.
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If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
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When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
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I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
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TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.
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That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
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Communism is just one big telephone company.
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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
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I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
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Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
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Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
Lenny Bruce