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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Invents
Cat
Car
Start
Running

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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
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Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.
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Communism is just one big telephone company.
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Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
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I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
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The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted but if your mother goes, Ptshew!
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There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.
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Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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Life is a four-letter word.
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Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
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Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.
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Communism is like one big phone company.
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What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
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You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.
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