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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Running
Invents
Cat
Car
Start

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TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
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You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.
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The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted but if your mother goes, Ptshew!
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I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.
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I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.
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If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.
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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
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Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.
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Communism is like one big phone company.
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Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.
Lenny Bruce
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Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.
Lenny Bruce
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
Lenny Bruce
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I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
Lenny Bruce
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Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.
Lenny Bruce