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I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
Lenny Bruce
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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Religion
Stepping
Christ
Moses
Everyone
Conspiracy
Jew
Part
Murder
Everything
Stuck
Goyim
Whole
Cool
Goose
Would
Talking
Geese
More quotes by Lenny Bruce
If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
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Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
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I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.
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Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.
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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
Lenny Bruce
My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.
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Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
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The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.
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You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.
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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
Lenny Bruce
If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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Life is a four-letter word.
Lenny Bruce
If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
Lenny Bruce
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up.
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Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.
Lenny Bruce