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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Truth
Never
Crooked
Politicians
Politician
Lying

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Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.
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Life is a four-letter word.
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
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I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.
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The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.
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Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.
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If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
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Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.
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My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.
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If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.
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Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
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Every group, every system has a set of values and morals and when you get outside those, then the alarms ring. I was politically incorrect to 95% of the country luckily my 5% had the bread to come see me.
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There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.
Lenny Bruce