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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
Lenny Bruce
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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Crooked
Politicians
Politician
Lying
Truth
Never
More quotes by Lenny Bruce
Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
Lenny Bruce
Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
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I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.
Lenny Bruce
Every group, every system has a set of values and morals and when you get outside those, then the alarms ring. I was politically incorrect to 95% of the country luckily my 5% had the bread to come see me.
Lenny Bruce
You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.
Lenny Bruce
The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted but if your mother goes, Ptshew!
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You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.
Lenny Bruce
Communism is like one big phone company.
Lenny Bruce
Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.
Lenny Bruce
Life is a four-letter word.
Lenny Bruce
I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.
Lenny Bruce
There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
Lenny Bruce
Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.
Lenny Bruce
Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.
Lenny Bruce
If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
Lenny Bruce
When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
Lenny Bruce
That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
Lenny Bruce
