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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Crooked
Politicians
Politician
Lying
Truth
Never

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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.
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Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
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Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.
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There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.
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I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
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Communism is like one big phone company.
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All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
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Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.
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I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
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If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
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That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
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I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
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I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.
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You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.
Lenny Bruce