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That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
Lenny Bruce
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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Combination
Conflict
Teacher
Wife
Night
School
Hooker
Sunday
Starts
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
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Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.
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All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.
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If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.
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I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
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Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.
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You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.
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If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
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