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Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Never
Preacher
Suits
Trust
Two

More quotes by Lenny Bruce

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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Lenny Bruce
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
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There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.
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What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
Lenny Bruce
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I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
Lenny Bruce
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
Lenny Bruce
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
Lenny Bruce
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The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.
Lenny Bruce
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You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.
Lenny Bruce
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You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.
Lenny Bruce
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
Lenny Bruce
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I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
Lenny Bruce
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You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.
Lenny Bruce
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The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted but if your mother goes, Ptshew!
Lenny Bruce
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
Lenny Bruce
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I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
Lenny Bruce
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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up.
Lenny Bruce
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
Lenny Bruce