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Communism is just one big telephone company.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Telephone
Telephones
Communism
Company
Bigs

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I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
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My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
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Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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Communism is like one big phone company.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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I've been accused of bad taste, and I'll go down to my grave accused of it and always by the same people, the ones who eat in restaurants that reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
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Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?
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Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.
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Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.
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Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
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Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.
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Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.
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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up.
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When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
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What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
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