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Communism is just one big telephone company.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Communism
Company
Bigs
Telephone
Telephones

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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
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You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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Communism is like one big phone company.
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If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
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You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.
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Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.
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TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.
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I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.
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What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up.
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The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.
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Life is a four-letter word.
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