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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Else
Necessary
Miracles
Someone
Taking
Priests
Become
Hell
Pockets
Confines
Stills
Law
Perform
Rabbi
Still
Within
Putting
Remaining
Would
Whatever
Miracle
Priest
Funny
Mines
Monk
Money
Mine
Pocket

More quotes by Lenny Bruce

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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up.
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Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.
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Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.
Lenny Bruce
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You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.
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Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.
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If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
Lenny Bruce
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Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
Lenny Bruce
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Communism is just one big telephone company.
Lenny Bruce
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That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
Lenny Bruce
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Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
Lenny Bruce
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All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
Lenny Bruce
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If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
Lenny Bruce
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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
Lenny Bruce
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Every group, every system has a set of values and morals and when you get outside those, then the alarms ring. I was politically incorrect to 95% of the country luckily my 5% had the bread to come see me.
Lenny Bruce
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
Lenny Bruce
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Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.
Lenny Bruce
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Life is a four-letter word.
Lenny Bruce
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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
Lenny Bruce