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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Else
Necessary
Miracles
Someone
Taking
Priests
Become
Hell
Pockets
Confines
Stills
Law
Perform
Rabbi
Still
Within
Putting
Remaining
Would
Whatever
Miracle
Priest
Funny
Mines
Monk
Money
Mine
Pocket

More quotes by Lenny Bruce

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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up.
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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
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Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.
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If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
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I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
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Every group, every system has a set of values and morals and when you get outside those, then the alarms ring. I was politically incorrect to 95% of the country luckily my 5% had the bread to come see me.
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There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.
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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
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Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.
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Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
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I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.
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Communism is just one big telephone company.
Lenny Bruce
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There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.
Lenny Bruce
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
Lenny Bruce
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Communism is like one big phone company.
Lenny Bruce
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Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.
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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
Lenny Bruce