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I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Hours
Every
Influenced
Waking
Hour
Second

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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up.
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Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.
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All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
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Satire is tragedy plus time.
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There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.
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That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
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Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
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Communism is like one big phone company.
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
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Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.
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Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.
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You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.
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TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.
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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
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What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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