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Communism is like one big phone company.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Phones
Company
Funny
Bigs
Communism
Like
Libertarian
Witty
Phone
Humorous

More quotes by Lenny Bruce

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Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.
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I want to perform an unnatural act.
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Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
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Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.
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What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
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I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.
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I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.
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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
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That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
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Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.
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Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.
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Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.
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I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.
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You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.
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Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
Lenny Bruce