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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Lenny Bruce

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Lenny Bruce
Age: 40 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 13
Died: 1966
Died: August 3
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Writer
Mineola
New York
Littles
Twenties
Aggravation
Little
Crosses
Catholicism
Children
Catholic
Necks
Years
Instead
Chairs
Would
Jesus
Electric
Christ
Wearing
Around
Killed
School
Twenty

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You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.
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You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
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Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.
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The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted but if your mother goes, Ptshew!
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That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.
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Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
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Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.
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Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.
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Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.
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I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.
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There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.
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There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?
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I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.
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You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.
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I've been accused of bad taste, and I'll go down to my grave accused of it and always by the same people, the ones who eat in restaurants that reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
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Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.
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I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.
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