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When he speaks again, I can tell that he's smiling. So I guess we saved each other.

Lauren Oliver

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Lauren Oliver
Age: 42
Born: 1982
Born: November 8
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Westchester County
New York
Speak
Tell
Smiling
Speaks
Saved
Guess

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He was still in love with you, anyway.
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We can never understand. We can only try, fumbling our way through the tunneled places, reaching for light.
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It's the way he says my name: like music.
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Most of the time one night blends into the next and weeks blend into weeks and months into other months. And sooner or later we all die. But at the beginning of the night anything’s possible.
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I close my eyes. An image flashes—emerging from the van with Julian after our escape from New York City believing, in that moment, that we had escaped the worst, that life would begin again for us. Instead life has only grown harder.
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Nothing has ever been so painful or delicious as being so close to him and being unable to do anything about it: like eating ice cream so fast on a hot day you get a splitting headache.
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Fridays are the hardest in some ways: you’re so close to freedom.
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But hope got in, no matter how hard and fast I tried to stomp it out. Like these tiny fire ants we used to get in Portland. No matter how fast you liked them, there were always more, a steady stream of them, resistant, ever-multiplying. Maybe, the hope said. Maybe.
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You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but I will find a way to resist
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That's what time does: We stand stubbornly like rocks while it flows all around us, believing that we are immutable - and all the time we're being carved, and shaped, and whittled away.
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But from the beginning, I knew that in a world where destiny was dead, I was destined, forever, to love him. Even though he didn't - though he couldn't - ever love me back.
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I just want to be normal, like everybody else. Are you sure that being like everybody else will make you happy?
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I want to know. His words are a whisper, barely audible. I want to know with you.
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There is no before. There is only now, and what comes next.
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