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I will make a pact with you: I will do it if you will do it, always and forever. Take down the walls.

Lauren Oliver

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Lauren Oliver
Age: 42
Born: 1982
Born: November 8
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Westchester County
New York
Always
Pact
Walls
Wall
Forever
Take
Make

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It's a miracle I was able to get out of the house today. It's a miracle I'm even wearing pants, a double miracle I remembered to wear shoes.
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i suppose that's the secret, if you're ever wishing for things to back the way they were. You just have to look up.
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But hope got in, no matter how hard and fast I tried to stomp it out. Like these tiny fire ants we used to get in Portland. No matter how fast you liked them, there were always more, a steady stream of them, resistant, ever-multiplying. Maybe, the hope said. Maybe.
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But you can build a future out of anything. A scrap, a flicker. The desire to go forward, slowly, one foot at a time. You can build an airy city out of ruins.
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Maybe next time, but probably not.
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The first one, we’ll name Blue.
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The thing is, you don't get to know. It's not like you wake up with a bad feeling in your stomach. You don't see shadows where there shouldn't be any. You don't remember to tell your parents you love them or--in my case--remember to say good-bye to them at all.
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I'm used to a feeling of doubleness, of thinking one thing and having to do another, a constant tug-of-war.
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We wanted the freedom to love. We wanted the freedom to choose. Now we have to fight for it.
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That's when you realize that most of it-life, the relentless mechanism of existing-isn't about you. It doesn't include you at all. It will thrust onward even after you've jumped the edge. Even after you're dead.
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I love you. They can't take it away.
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For the first time in my life I actually feel sorry for Carol. I'm only seventeen years old, and I already know something she doesn't know: I know that life isn't life if you just float through it. I know that the whole point- the only point- is to find things that matter, and hold on to them, and fight for them, and refuse to let them go.
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It's as though the words are trapped, buried under past fears, past lives, like fossils compressed under layers of dirt.
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It's like there's a filter set up in my brain, except instead of making things better, it twists everything around so what comes out of my mouth is totally wrong, totally different from what I was thinking.
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Why couldn't you let me have it? Why did you have to take it? Why did you always take everything?
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...and once at Hana's house, when we stole some blackberry liqueur from her parents' liquor cabinet and drank until the ceiling started spinning overhead. Hana was laughing and giggling, but I didn't like it, didn't like the sweet sick taste in my mouth or the way my thoughts seemed to break apart like a mist in the sun.
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The priests and the scientists are right about one thing: At our heart, at our base, we are no better than animals.
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Hate isn’t the most dangerous thing, he’d said. Indifference is.
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Each step is more difficult than the last the heaviness fills me and turns my limbs to stone. You must hurt or be hurt.
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I didn't realize then what a privilege that was: to be bored with your best friend to have time to waste.
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