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So many of the things I've wanted are the things I've been taught to fear.

Lauren DeStefano

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Lauren DeStefano
Age: 39
Born: 1984
Born: October 13
Author
Novelist
Connecticut
United States
Fear
Wanted
Many
Things
Taught

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Real’ is a dirty word in this place.
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I never wanted to live forever, she says. I just wanted enough time.
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Life is much different from the days when there were lilies in my mother’s garden, and all my secrets fit into a paper cup.
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Bet you never eat, he says. Bet you drink up the oxygen like it's butter. Bet you can go for days on nothing but thoughts.
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He sits next to me, careful to avoid my hair that's splayed out around my head like blood. A bullet to the forehead, boom, blond waves everywhere.
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Momentum,' She repeats. 'You can't just stand there if you want something to fly. You have to run.
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Childhood is a long, long road, from which that dark whispering forest of death seems an impossible destination.
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Eventually I realize that I am holding on to him just as tightly as he holds on to me. And here we are: two small dying things, as the world ends around us like falling autumn leaves.
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He looks at me, and I don't know what he sees. I used to think it was Rose. But she's not here with us now, in this room. It's just him and me, and the books. I feel like our lives are in those books. I feel like all the words on the pages are for us.
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To die trying would be better than to die without purpose.
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I think, in this strange world of beautiful things, there may be some humanity after all.
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It's the silence I imagine in the rest of the world, the silence of an endless ocean and uninhabitable island, a silence that can be seen from space.
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Ah, love. That’s what the world has lost. There’s no more love, only the illusion of it.
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Linden just wants to protect her, is what I want to say. She's all he has. I left him. I'm at arms reach, but I've left him.
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Someday I'll tell you all of it, I say. I'd like that, he says. No, I say. I promise you won't.
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Times like this, when she slips her hand into mine and holds on tight, and our husband becomes just a shadow in the doorway.
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I was born into a world that was already dying I belong to it.
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But I know all the things you're too sweet to know.
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