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I don't dare touch her. Loss is a knowledge I'm sorry to have. Perhaps the only thing worse than experiencing it, is watching it replay anew in someone else--all the awful stages picking up like a chorus that has to be sung.
Lauren DeStefano
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Lauren DeStefano
Age: 40
Born: 1984
Born: October 13
Author
Novelist
Connecticut
United States
Someone
Touch
Anew
Thing
Watching
Chorus
Like
Worse
Stages
Loss
Picking
Perhaps
Experiencing
Stage
Awful
Knowledge
Dare
Replay
Else
Sorry
Sung
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The seeds are tiny, unborn things, and I resent them. They'll be planted and they'll grow into exactly what they're meant to be.
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Cure is one of the most precious words in the English language. It's a short word. A clean and simple word. But it isn't so easy a thing as it sounds. There are questions like: How will this affect us in ten years? In twenty? What will it do to our children? Our children's children?
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It's quiet for a while, and then Rowan says We could talk now. We're alone out here. No walls. There are always walls. I say.
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Everyone should remember being born. It doesn't seem fair that we only remember dying.
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To die trying would be better than to die without purpose.
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Bet you never eat, he says. Bet you drink up the oxygen like it's butter. Bet you can go for days on nothing but thoughts.
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You've been captive for so long that you don't even realize you want freedom anymore.
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I stare at her collarbone that's framed with lace, the hollow of her throat, her shoulders that rise with each rise with the weight of her next breath. We're fragile things. Our bones show through our skin. What would any god want with us?
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And everywhere girls, tumbling from trees like orange blossoms and hitting the earth with sickening thuds. They crack open.
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I wish I had a memory of that first violent shove, the shock of cold air, the sting of oxygen into new lungs. Everyone should remember being born. It doesn't seem fair that we only remember dying.
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There is warmth shooting through my broken body where there should be pain, and I put my arms around the back of his neck and I hold on to him. I hold on because you never know in this place when something good will be taken away.
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Someday I'll tell you all of it, I say. I'd like that, he says. No, I say. I promise you won't.
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Gabriel's voice can reach me anywhere. Even in a hurricane.
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Things will get worse before they get better.
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It's the silence I imagine in the rest of the world, the silence of an endless ocean and uninhabitable island, a silence that can be seen from space.
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It is the face of a girl who has seen the world, who realizes that it hates her, and who hates it in return.
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It's best to let her go, he says. No, no, that's wrong. It's never right to give up on someone.
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