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I've done it all before, I tell myself, and I can do it again. Trust is the strongest weapon.

Lauren DeStefano

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Lauren DeStefano
Age: 40
Born: 1984
Born: October 13
Author
Novelist
Connecticut
United States
Weapon
Strongest
Weapons
Trust
Tell
Done

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In the distance I see a lighthouse. The light washes over us and continues on its rotation. This time, I don't know where the light will guide us.
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I think humans have always been desperate. I think it has always been about doing something awful if it might help, when the only other option is death. Maybe that's what being a parent is supposed to feel like.
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He looks at me, and I don't know what he sees. I used to think it was Rose. But she's not here with us now, in this room. It's just him and me, and the books. I feel like our lives are in those books. I feel like all the words on the pages are for us.
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It's quiet for a while, and then Rowan says We could talk now. We're alone out here. No walls. There are always walls. I say.
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Eventually I realize that I am holding on to him just as tightly as he holds on to me. And here we are: two small dying things, as the world ends around us like falling autumn leaves.
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I should not have loved my daughter as I did. Not in this world in which nothing lives for long. You children are flies. You are roses. You multiply and die.
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Linden just wants to protect her, is what I want to say. She's all he has. I left him. I'm at arms reach, but I've left him.
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She's been conned, ruined, left for dead, and she's not going to forgive any of it. She will soldier on, if only out of spite.
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She would do anything, anything to belong to his son after a lifetime of belonging to no one at all.
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Love is not enough to keep any of us alive.
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My sisters were in that van.
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Tell freedom I said hello.
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Humans are the absolute worst thing to happen to this planet.
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I always knew I was an excellent liar I just didn't know that I had it in me to fool myself.
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It was my fifth grade teacher who introduced the idea that writing could be more than a hobby for me.
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Give me time For you, always.
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A strange thing, words. Once they're said, it's hard to imagine they're untrue.
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I figured it out eventually, she says. She's sitting on the edge of the gurney again her features slowly materialize as my vision clears. It's momentum. What? I whisper. The feeling returning to my lips, spreading out to my fingertips and toes. Momentum, she repeats. You can't just stand there if you want something to fly. You have
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Life is much different from the days when there were lilies in my mother’s garden, and all my secrets fit into a paper cup.
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I don't dare touch her. Loss is a knowledge I'm sorry to have. Perhaps the only thing worse than experiencing it, is watching it replay anew in someone else--all the awful stages picking up like a chorus that has to be sung.
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